Last nights dream

Had a GREAT dream last night!

Had me wanting more when I woke up.

So uh, it was at work and my boss kept getting in close to me.

He'd do stuff like move behind me when I was making something and reach real high to place something or take something, but it was like full on physical contact, not the kind where your trying to press your body away.

At one point during the dream he began to get in close to my face, almost as if we were actually going to kiss and I just felt my heart race and my face grow hot.

Like HOLY SHIT.

My entire body just felt the effects in the dream.

Also I THINK he slid an arm around my waist at one point while reaching which really got my attention,

and I

I can't even haha

At one point it started getting way too hot within the dream and we couldn't remove our clothes because we were at work.

At one point we did though....

I did atleast I think he only removed his shirt though.

HENTAI 18+ Breeding Season

Breeding Season: Monday Art Update: Hi everyone, last week was finishing prepping all Cat monster animations x Fbreeder, finalizing all monster colors, and preparing wolf monst...

(Literal) Dreams and Pathfinder

Caved in and bought the 25$ humble bundle. Still have enough in my bank account to be okay with, though its not one of my wiser ideas.

Next pay probably won't be big. :(

Last nights dream was good.

FUCK WHY AM I HOT.

Throws shirt into the pits of hell.

For fuck sake!

How many characters do I have up on The Dark Hour RP Forums?

3 now. :D

OHOH! 

I made these!!!! <3

It's supposed to be a dog/wolf slime for slime rancher and it's plort! :D

Isn't it adorable?

I hope it is it took me atleast a half an hour to make it on Piskel.

Made things outta boredom = check

Get glitched on!

And a weird dress.

and this thing, that is some sort of music.

A&G Guest #1

Paul St. Peter

This is the guest they chose to lead with, huh?

...I hope that's not a bad sign.

;;I mean he's done ALOT;;

KINGDOM HEARTS (Xemnas), NARUTO (Nine Tail Fox), ROBOTECH (Zor Prime), BLEACH (Yammy), WORLD OF WARCRAFT (Boden The Imposing), DYNASTY WARRIORS I-IV (Yuan Shao), DIGIMON (KOKOMON), ZETMAN (Sugito), MAJIN (Majin), and RESIDENT EVIL 5 (Swahili Zombie). Paul has comical voices too, from COWBOY BEBOP (Punch) to DIGIMON WARRIORS (Wormmon). 

Among his other game, anime and ect are feature anime credits are GURREN LAGAAN (Jorgun), THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO (Mondego), MONSTER (Dr. Reichwein), PAPRIKA (Konakawa), LUPIN III The Secret of Mamo (Mamo), DURARARA (Higa), X-COM (Dr. Heinrich), BATTLE B-DAMON (Armada), DIABLO III (Demented Spirit), and DEFIANCE (Burgess). He has recently wrapped work on MONSTER STRIKE (Death Panda), DRAKENGARD 3 (Michael the Dragon), JOJO’S BIZARRE ADVENTURES (Dire/Jack The Ripper/Wamuu), NARUTO 7: Ultimate Ninja Storm 4 (Kurama), THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS (Armor Giant), ANJIN (Hirazawa), KILLER (Colonel Derick), and GODEATER II (various roles).

Yeah, he's done alot- apparently.

The only things I'll recognize him as are; Xemnas (Kingdom Hearts) and Konakawa (Paprika).

Super sad face for me so far.

Please, please, there's still hope. Please get me someone i'm longing to see!

Hell, i'll even take;

Ken

Danny

Wade

or

Jack

C'mon!!!

Please, please, please!!!!!

Hopelessly In Love?

Last night was harmful to me, and not because of my Mentor.

No, it was harmful in being hopeless.

It was harmful in being lost.

It was harmful in feeling lonely, like noone understands me; and that the knowing of one person who does may be taken away from me at any given moment.

I once tried to forget about them.

To derive myself of the feelings I had, and the connection when there is none.

A connection cannot be made if its one short line that cuts off into an abyss of the unknown.

But I feel a little more hopeful than I had before.

If my Mentor was able to get attention from someone who was bigger than life to them, then why can't I?

When i'm alone my mind hurts me.

It thinks negatively about everything.

It makes me know that I hate my body,

that I hate myself,

that I hate that I hurt people unintentionally,

or so they'll be safe from getting hurt from me further.

I can't say that I love myself, but I know I deserve better.

I deserve to have a loving person who will reassure me daily until I know I am beautiful.

I deserve to be happy, and to be cheered up when I'm sad.

I deserve to not feel alone, or bullied anymore.

I deserve to be able to stand on my own two feet.

I deserve to be able to be financially and emotional secure.

Yes, this is earlier than I normally post

So, yeah this is earlier than I normally post but I'm kind of on caffeine right now. I keep feeling tired about five hours after waking up. That's most definitely not normal for me. I have my strength back after being sick for so long (infection). 

I watched Mark play Kerbal Space Program for a little while (about 6 hours), until the stream ended.

It's good to see the charity got up to a good number, too bad it didn't hit high enough for him to dye his hair red, lol.

Unfortunately because I'm saving up for my con and don't make that much as is I couldn't really donate anything. I think I should try donating after con. Good causes are always worth it.

I just started roleplaying again today. It's good so far but it feels a bit rushed. I wish it was a little more detailed and plot worth rather than just sex. Sexual roleplays are good and all, but not as good as romance or adventure. Romance has to have sex in it though, teehee.

What else did I do today?

Mope cause I didn't get out of the house. (Pathfinder's tomorrow).

Dick around on Wish.com and look at my old wishlist.

I think my taxes will be filed fairly soon.

Uhm.

I'm watching Cry play Firewatch.

I've watched Mark, and Jack play it too. It's one of those things that're good for background noise.

Silence is very not good with me- even at work I can't stand it, which is why i'm glad music is ATLEAST playing when I go in- even if its shit new country or rap.

That's all for todays update.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I keep. GETTING. HEADACHES.

Annnnddd. I'm hungry again. After eating friggen two drum sticks, some mashed potaters, and some mac and cheese.

AGGHHHH.

I hate my stomach and brain right now.

HUNGGGEEERRRR.

I guess i'm gonna find something else to eat in a moment. I think maybe... crab claw meat and rice. I added soy sauce. And i'm gonna try this sleepy time tea. 

Looks over shoulder abruptly.

Yes rice, atleast its a faster to go carb rather then a heavy carb.

I'm TRYING. Like HELL. To LOOSE WEIGHT. Not GAIN IT.

COUGH HACK GACK. THIS STUFF IS STRONGGGGG. Jesus.

My Forced Nature story is coming along. I really like it! I don't think i'll be publishing it to any sites though. It's another one of those stories.

I don't really have anything else besides that. Er-... here's a little preview of the story?

Forced Nature

“Let me out,” I scream, struggling against the binds; consisting of handcuffs to my back, ropes around my legs and a blindfold acrossed my eyes.

“Calm down Ms. D; now Mr. F, you have no handcuffs on, please remove your and your friends’ binds. There is a key near her legs.”

I hear a groan come from a couple feet away then a scritchy-scratching noise and the removal of something of medium weight as it slaps against the floor. Immediately after, I hear their feet come stumbling towards me. They grab the key near my legs and unlock the handcuffs on my wrists, before removing my blindfold then starting to undo my leg ropes. I inhale easily then grab onto them. The other person is indeed male from what I picked up previously; although not being able to see anything is very unhelpful.

“Who are you,” I question, pulling back from them as they push me back gently.

“My name is-“

The voice is familiar but gets cut off by what I can only guess are loudspeakers in the room.

“Your name is Matt. Her name is Desorë. Within the entirety of this year you will have more company. In order they will be; Kage, Vance, Tommy and Erik.”

“Year!?! What the hell!?!”

“That’s right, you better get used to this place and the extreme darkness that doesn’t allow you to see your hand infront of you.”

“He’s serious isn’t he,” I question quietly.

I feel air the move next to me, I think my roommate has stood up but I feel a hand on the side of my eye then cheek, seeming to give me some sort of answer. The hand moves and I stand beside the other person.

“Aid, bath supplies, your medicine and all other standard household items will be placed in your room when you’re asleep; and don’t even try to lie, because both of you have a wonderful scar on the back of your head where we placed something that both measures brainwaves and allows us to hear your subconscious. Ah-ha-ha; also, we can communicate with you inwardly. Sometimes we’ll tell you things and you’ll have to do them… because if you don’t, there will be consequences.”

A different man’s voice comes over the intercom; it seems to be a man with a German voice,

“Good evening, though you probably can’t tell the time in zere. I’ll be your direction instruczor. For now, zere are three corners in this room, vree doors and one unlocked door bathroom. To the North Vest is a rather large bed with pillows, a sheet and a blanket. To the North East is your dining room, zere is an eight-seating table with the proper amount of zairs for the current number of people in ze room. To the South east is ze bathroom; there is a door to shut people out. While you’re in this room you can listen to some relaxing music while you do your business. To the South West there is a conversationalist station. Zere are three phones which you can pick up and zimply say ‘dial’ to speak to one of your friends on the outside that have signed to talk to you but to tell no one else; and don’t worry, zeir homes are bleached with security measures to keep them from zaying otherwise anyways.”

It switches back to the main guy,

“Well, your journey into this magnificent world starts tomorrow. Dinner will be served around forty-five minutes from now. Good night, and remember, speaking a true name will get you into the torture room for a brisk day of pain.”

Once we hear the intercom truly click off I feel eyes on me, and I return the look to the different shaped darkness.

You should crawl on top of him and slide one of your hands into his hair. I want you to know who he is because he’s one of your fantasies.

“Wha-what?”

“Huh? I didn’t say anything,” replies the man beside me.

He can’t hear me, darling. I’m in your head.

My lips purse at hearing that in my mind before I shake my head a bit, even if I did recognize the persons’ voice infront of me, that didn’t mean that I knew them in real life; and furthermore if they’re one of my fantasies then I most definitely don’t know them in real life. However, as I am quite curious I reach out and touch his hair. The man jerks back a bit.

“Hey! What’re you doing?!”

“I… I can’t see… I was trying to figure out how close you were.”

I can’t see his reaction but soon feel his hand on my wrist then the placement of my hand against his chest, a soft shirt covering it. I feel his heartbeat.

“Oh. You’re right there. Okay…”

I take a step back, removing my hand and allowing it to hang down.

“So uhm... what should we do?”

“Well, he said dinner was going to be served in like a half an hour right? Maybe we should wait for that…”

Unfortunately I didn’t get a good enough touch on his hair to truly know if I was correct on who I’m thinking it is. But this is suddenly clarified in my mind. 

DEADPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

I know that's a terrible opening post comment.

I'm a god damn potato.

ANYWAYS.

Currently watching Markimoo ;)

eh no THATS CREEPY

Pushes the winky face away.

:)

Much better!

So I went and watched --

DEADPOOL.

R Rated, hot damn.

I need an R Rated with Gerard Butler or RDJ, or even Johnny Depp....

Why are so many people obsessed with Ryan Reynolds anyways?

Also. Quick fifty. Down to 11.

Wayyyy too easy to spend money, much harder to keep it.

Speaking of KEEP IT.

I have half of the room rent for con so far.

I need to do my w2, and then see what I get for my birthday.

Yeah... 25 at the end of march.

Halfway to 50... I don't feel like it.

What else?

I've come back into contact with my Mentor.

More bad news then good.

I'm glad we've re-established contact.

He... well.. has cancerous cells.

I'm going to do all I can before he goes.

I want to insure his life is as good as it can be.

No more mean words.

Not for him.

He isn't meant for my stress relief.

I hope he can teach me more ways in the lifestyle before he ...

passes.

I don't want him to pass..

I haven't known him long enough.

He hasn't lived long enough.

God.. can't you do something?

You made us... can't you heal us?

He's worth too much.

Probably more than me.

We have a date. At 9.

Today was pretty good.

But as usual, everything for happiness in my life creates a downside.

And this fucking pent-up sexual frustrations don't help!

I wish I could just take Womas in the back room and bend my happy ass over and just have him plow me. Fuck! What i'd give for that! But of course I get hard on's for the wrong people, lol.

Anti-exstatic

Today was normal, but I had to work the stupid sheet out machine.

I dislike it very much.

I also dislike my breasts.

They are WAY TOO BIG.

They're gonna be super difficult to bind.

I think i'll just try to do it slowly at first.

Like right now.

I have this really strong elastic thing.

It kinda hurts at the top.

Kinda feel like this right now but less random weird black things and more breast and chest area.

What annoys me though is I can't get a binder cheaply, or for free because of my age.

Hell, I didn't even know this stuff existed until about a year ago. :(

Binding 101

Erza's pretty cool. Wish I had the time and money to do her awesome flame outfit.

S'pretty hot.

I couldn't get away with it though... I'm too fat for it....

Continues to discourage self on showing body.

It'd probably HELP my self-esteem but I'm not sure anyone would back me anyways...

Anyways! Gonna get off here and eat!

Btw I wanna go see deadpool soon; also I wanna pick up some more dice.

Gonna come into some money tomorrow :D

Normal

Now that was what i'd call a normal day, haha.

Laundry mat.

Hoping mom picks up my Dramamine tomorrow, friggen car sickness is bs.

Btw when I say tomorrow I mean later today normally, haha. 

Only when its after 12am.

I don't really have anything specific actually.

Uhm.. me and my mate finally set up the correct relationship style I was going for.

And as much as I would love a polyandry for myself, I recognize that my partner will NOT be happy given I force such a selfish act upon them.

Instead I give them balance.

Tolerance, balance, affection and understanding.

Thinking with my head instead of my heart can be hard sometimes.

And thinking with my dick instead of my head is most definitely a no!

Only pic I can find for-self atm. 

I've also noticed that I do not have enough masculine clothes.

Looks at own body

Oh. That's why...

My dysphoria isn't as bad as trans people's are.. but its still there.

I would like a reduction, personally, but I know people who like them wouldn't...

Playing Watch Dogs is fun.

I'm still really enjoying watching Markimoo.

It drives me crazy listening to things he likes, because I like most of them.

He's a catch though, unlike me; i'm just a fuckin' mess.

Tomorrow's pathfinder though. I really hope our GM goes easy on us; with it being Valentine's Day and all. 

Throws Pandora out the window for playing Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer.

I haven't put this on here yet but.. I think with how I actually feel i'm like a Christian / Pagan. Cause I know like, there's someone, a God obviously. But I feel like there still may be a way to do things on our own because they don't want us to always be asking them for things. And they gave us freewill aswell, so.. I mean.. we're sentient living beings... and I've been told by someone I consider trust-worthy that we can't just stand here and wait for reality to hand us a platter with money, or whatever we want on it. If we don't try for something, we'll never know. I guess that means I need to step my game up after the second weekend of April.

Haha, that's when A&G is.

I get to see my mate and semi-relax, visit the dealers room and just generally be stress free for an ENTIRE WEEKEND! I am SO excited!

Oh, also I did an easy love spell awhile back ago and i'm hoping it worked, or atleast added coins to the fate machine to get things rolling in my general way.

Forgot To Mention

So I decided to do a little bit of cleaning last night before I ate my last dinner.

Noone fucking notices it.

I did most of the silver wear and cleaned the stove top and infront of the microwave.

No fucking appreciation.

Stuck Inside

I felt like Matthius today..

I mean myself... 

My more masculine self..

But I didn't know how to show it so I wore my blue shirt and black tie.

Not that anyone was really around to see it...

Not that anyone cares how i'm FUCKING FEELING!

No, i'm too busy being trapped inside this god forsaken small apartment building!

Yeah whatever.

You asked me if it'd be okay to see Deadpool today, yet you forgot, probably ended up spending too much money at the bar last night, and even forgot the soft measuring tape I needed for measurements that you said you'd get last night.

You're not helping me. You're hurting me.

Making promises you don't keep.

And then I have to wait for YOu to say okay to someone because you don't want me to make my choices without your say... 

I'm trying...

But it's not gonna matter forever...

The wounds are healing on my arm...

They're almost gone.

Atleast when I have some sort of mark on my body I can know that it was real.

That something mattered.

AND I REMEMBER EVERYTIME!

I REMEMBER EVERYTHING YOU SAY!

I TRY TO HELP YOU!

I TRY TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS BETWEEN YOU AND OTHER PEOPLE!

BUT YOU LIE TO ME!

YOU HURT ME!!!

And everytime you hurt me I trust you a little less.

And everytime you hurt me I feel a little less.

A real big brother wouldn't hurt me.

You aren't real family, and you never will be.

Stay where I tell you to stay, you don't belong beside me.

I need my space from you. I need to be near you. I need your consolation. I miss you. I love you, but your never around. And you... your not in my world but I wish you were.

That's okay, Mother forgets too.

She's forgotten; 

the bags I've asked her to sew because they're ripping.

I've asked for help on my cosplay.

The measurements I need.

The W2 I need help with.

Everyone forgets. They forget about me...

Except for the obnoxious ones who hurt me.

But they don't want me. They want ( . )me( . ). They want the colorless...

The bodily ..

Disgusting fucking privates... that

that I sometimes want to rip off...

Good Drop? No? Confessing.

I was able to get my ticket for A&G, that's a good thing. That means I get to see my boyfriend. That's good.

I need to see him... and I need to be better for him because he deserves so much better.

THAT'S RIGHT I've been a shitty girlfriend! A

gain... to someone new this time... and I don't know how to tell him because I love him and respect him and I'm fucking stupid!

 I let my animal side free and just... I can't be without sex... I can't... and i'm scared... it's tension... and emotion and... stress... and depression and it relieves everything.... all of it. ALL OF IT!!! 

Tell me what I'm supposed to do... please... I... I don't want to hurt anyone else. 

That's why I did what I did today, earlier today. 

That's why I was a good girl... I was a good girl, wasn't I? 

I'm trying... i'll change... please... just don't... don't go away... i'm sorry...

Ups & Downs

Now let me tell you a tale: a tale of waking up in the morning (my morning is roughly 3pm/3:30pm) and having a great dream! You wake up in a great mood! One of the greatest moods you ever get into after a GREAT dream! The dreams great to you, maybe not too many others in the world, especially in fandom but--- BUT here's the catch-- you have depression. This nasty little mood fucker. It decides to come in at random moments and ruin your life. It crawls up your leg and makes its way up to your chest and brain. It moves in, jerks back its scorpion pincer and slams it into your neck. It hits the vein, and makes its way through your body with its poison. It weakens your body. It weakens your mind. It slows you down. The urge to play things and have fun stops. You want to sleep forever, but your not that kind of tired. So what do you do? You antsy around. You try to watch TV. You watch movies, maybe anime, watch hentai or porn whatever you like trying to banish the feeling of the depression. It hurts. Maybe not when you masturbate or jerk off, whatever you like to do but it hurts. It overwhelms you. It takes its fist and bellows it into your stomach. Your worse now, you feel broken- you think, your thoughts help to overwhelm you. Every bad thing in your life comes into your mind. It swarms like a thousand hornets after you've hit their nest. It hits, and hits and wounds. Wounds that noone can see. Some days you take it and make it through. Other days, and for some people it causes cuts which they inflict on themselves; but its not them, its that want to get away from that feeling. To cause physical pain instead of emotional. It seems to weird, stupid or selfish. But you just want to ... remove that feeling. Most people don't get many options. The poor... they get even less... After years of bullying, damaging households, fucked up lives... what are they supposed to do? What's the big... I mean... why isn't it okay to be damaged? Not all of us are unemotional metallic jerks.

What. The. Fuck.

Dude... Just... DUDE. So I couldn't add money to MY account because my card doesn't let me MAKE deposits. Instead I TOOK the money out (fucking liars at the gas station have a sign hanging above it that says "no surcharge") and gave it to my mom to deposit. Well, when I go to get my ticket all happy and joyously guess what happens? The card gets declined. Well FUCK ME SIDEWAYS! Actually, don't, Please don't. I'm already a GD mess from everything i'm going to have to explain (which will probably be ending in a uh.. separation). I don't know whats wrong with me today either, I've been feeling crumby again. And my stomachs been acting weird. Today I had a pain sliding acrossed my lower stomach and my upper stomach felt like it was hard, er- full? I don't know... I didn't eat the stupid lasagna that was for dinner. I'm sick of carbs. Speaking of carbs. Pop. Yeah... I wish I could just rid myself of it, tbh. Uhm what else? I seriously need to consider going back into my room and just putting a sign on my door that says "Only bother me if its of the utmost importance." I need more me-time and not only fucking that there's someone in my GD bed who won't GTFO. Then mom wonders why I don't wanna go to bed rn. I understand he supposedly works the weekdays but still- sheesh. I think I'll be taking my room back soon... 

Sometimes I feel like I have wings. It used to be angel wings; I think. I'm not sure anymore. I've fallen away from faith with all the bad that's happened. What's the point of going through trials on Earth if all we're meant to do in Heaven is praise? Yes, I understand he's our creator- actually, I can't talk about this anymore right now I keep getting this sick feeling in my head and stomach and chest, and I... I just want to break down and cry. I just want things to be simple, not so complex. People make promises to me and break them. My work clothes aren't always fully cleaned when I go in. My pants are stained. 

It's so hard. It's so hard to fight with yourself daily. The imbalance kills me. A part of me is hope and a total hopeless romantic, believing that I am made for something more and that I will have a happy life, and meet someone who matches me so well that they make me happy and don't yell or break promises, and they understand me, and they're like me but less broken and we complete each other. 

The other part of me... the disgusted.. depressed, ready to give up, always hurting, slightly insane, problematic, panicky side of me builds, and builds and overflows and pushes back everything. If I could just have a little while... a month.. or more ... where nothing bad happened... maybe then I could hope and be a bit more positive... but people just think that I can change at the snap of a finger when I have years of bad behind me that betrays the hopeful ideals. Why don't people understand this?

Alright, that's enough soul rendering for tonight. I hope things will be better tomorrow. Please.

Convention, No Trust In Self, No Confidence, Who Am I?

So, i've got enough money- now I just gotta purchase the ticket for my con. WOOO! VIP BABY, YEAH!! Things are slowly beginning to turn around. My stomach is currently growling and its 4:35. The "roomie" has gotten a job, and he's doin' it. He better not quit and he better friggen help me with my con! LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD! The jerk! Pfft, however if he doesn't whatevs- he totally didn't get my hopes up with penthouse, ect. *bitter sarcasm.* 

ANYWAYS! So, ticket first, then maybe i'll put down for the actual hotel for two nights where the con actually IS. We'll freaking see. It all depends on how much I make, cause I gotta have some to be able to spend at the con. NOT TO MENTION MY 50+ PHONE BILL PER MONTH! I LOVE THE DEALERS ROOM. *swoons at Japanese stuff.* 

I don't know who the guests are yet, they haven't announced but i'm totally fine with that. I mean i'm mostly going for the dealer's room and Steph!
  

I really hope they got that one certain guest who I've been just DYING to see!! If they don't; I guess another year.

AND NOW, SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Fangirlzone. Please by-pass this area down to the next paragraph after this one to not listen to my inner most fangirl/crushingly painful truth.

Well, as most people know me and such has also noticed that I have developed what I believe to me more then a crush on a certain YouTuber. Not many people believe in love ESPECIALLY when someone hasn't met someone else, but the difference between most people and me is that I don't mind shortcomings - NOONE'S PERFECT GOD DANGIT! But I believe- WITH ALL MY HEART! *Pumps fist into air crazily, eyes shinning bright to the heavens above.* That I am in love! With a handsome, young man! Who has his ups and downs just like everyone else! Can be kind of a douche! But has his heart in the right place.

 

                                          ...To be honest... though.. I know that... well.. he'd never even consider me as a possible mate. 

How am I meant to trust myself? My heart yearns for things that I know I'm not good enough to have. I could put on a front and act like I am good enough, that I shine with confidence but it won't change the fact that I don't. I'm so torn, so broken, shattered- lie or don't lie? Hurt someone with the truth, or hide the true self behind a mask. Honesty... all it seems to do is harm people. I have no confidence in myself. I don't trust myself.

I don't think I was close to drawing blood but I finally got so hurt the other night... I drew my knife acrossed my left arm and made some marks. The physical pain eased the emotional. It was all I could do to quite the yelling at myself, the hatred at myself. I deserve so much more physical pain from someone else. But they don't give it to me... so I gave it to myself. 

Steph said something to me that made me inwardly gasp. I felt every part of myself shatter again. Is he right about me? Am I using a term for my own selfish and basic human needs? Am I just a heartless wench? Maybe I should forfeit any kind of true relationship. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone. I'm fucking filth, scum of the earth. Some heartless, attention seeking, pleasure slut. 

                                                                                                  

That's... not all of me is it? That's not the biggest part, is it? I mean my mind wanders off to the gutter way too much. But I-.. I'm fluid.. I'm masculine yet feminine. I've mentally got a dick, yet physically don't. I can be a bitch or an asshole. It's just a piece that makes up some of the whole of me, right?                           What else am I?

That's right. I'm typing. I'm good at it too. I don't have to look at my laptops keys. What do I do on the internet though? Social networking, gaming, trying to roleplay, chatting, dealing with people, trying to be there for some. Trying. I do that alot, don't I? But I typically can't back up too much.               What else?

              

Oh, I know! Thinking! I do ALOT of thinking! But sometimes it can become daydreaming, which isn't very good, am I right? I have a wild imagination. And sometimes I overthink and make my depression worsen for awhile. Yeah, that's really bad. What about hoping? Yeah, I try that sometimes. It doesn't always work out though; actually.. it doesn't ever really work out. Typically when I get my hopes up they're dashed pretty well. I suppose I shouldn't assume that something will EVER go my way...
What more is there to me?

Yep! Gaming. That is most definitely me. Sometimes I honestly wish I knew the kind of mathematics that go into game programming because I'd LOVE to create the world of Hirikotetsu/Hirikotetsen. However, that's a dream that can never be completely realized due to it being MATH. Hate math. 

Anything else?

Oh. Those.. yeah... hahaha.. I mean... who NEEDS to let out emotions? Not this person! Haha, no! Why would I ever?

NEXT.

Oh, c'mon! We've already mentioned this already! Yeah, I might be sorta kinda.. a nymphomaniac. However, that's probably because my thirst isn't quenched. Like... ever. This could be due to the fact i'm in an LDR. And don't even get me started on my fetishes and all the things I WANT to experience but can't. It is NOT fair. I want to be on both ends of the handcuffs/silken tie.

I know this part'll sound shallow but I can't just sleep with anyone, OK? I have a certain body type i'm typically attracted to. There are very few moments where the type isn't totally necessary. However, doing something against my type makes me feel sick and disgusted with myself. Which is one of those things that kinda helps me be truthful when I tell someone they look good....