Ups & Downs

Now let me tell you a tale: a tale of waking up in the morning (my morning is roughly 3pm/3:30pm) and having a great dream! You wake up in a great mood! One of the greatest moods you ever get into after a GREAT dream! The dreams great to you, maybe not too many others in the world, especially in fandom but--- BUT here's the catch-- you have depression. This nasty little mood fucker. It decides to come in at random moments and ruin your life. It crawls up your leg and makes its way up to your chest and brain. It moves in, jerks back its scorpion pincer and slams it into your neck. It hits the vein, and makes its way through your body with its poison. It weakens your body. It weakens your mind. It slows you down. The urge to play things and have fun stops. You want to sleep forever, but your not that kind of tired. So what do you do? You antsy around. You try to watch TV. You watch movies, maybe anime, watch hentai or porn whatever you like trying to banish the feeling of the depression. It hurts. Maybe not when you masturbate or jerk off, whatever you like to do but it hurts. It overwhelms you. It takes its fist and bellows it into your stomach. Your worse now, you feel broken- you think, your thoughts help to overwhelm you. Every bad thing in your life comes into your mind. It swarms like a thousand hornets after you've hit their nest. It hits, and hits and wounds. Wounds that noone can see. Some days you take it and make it through. Other days, and for some people it causes cuts which they inflict on themselves; but its not them, its that want to get away from that feeling. To cause physical pain instead of emotional. It seems to weird, stupid or selfish. But you just want to ... remove that feeling. Most people don't get many options. The poor... they get even less... After years of bullying, damaging households, fucked up lives... what are they supposed to do? What's the big... I mean... why isn't it okay to be damaged? Not all of us are unemotional metallic jerks.