I felt like Matthius today..
I mean myself...
My more masculine self..
But I didn't know how to show it so I wore my blue shirt and black tie.
Not that anyone was really around to see it...
Not that anyone cares how i'm FUCKING FEELING!
No, i'm too busy being trapped inside this god forsaken small apartment building!
Yeah whatever.
You asked me if it'd be okay to see Deadpool today, yet you forgot, probably ended up spending too much money at the bar last night, and even forgot the soft measuring tape I needed for measurements that you said you'd get last night.
You're not helping me. You're hurting me.
Making promises you don't keep.
And then I have to wait for YOu to say okay to someone because you don't want me to make my choices without your say...
I'm trying...
But it's not gonna matter forever...
The wounds are healing on my arm...
They're almost gone.
Atleast when I have some sort of mark on my body I can know that it was real.
That something mattered.
AND I REMEMBER EVERYTIME!
I REMEMBER EVERYTHING YOU SAY!
I TRY TO HELP YOU!
I TRY TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS BETWEEN YOU AND OTHER PEOPLE!
BUT YOU LIE TO ME!
YOU HURT ME!!!
And everytime you hurt me I trust you a little less.
And everytime you hurt me I feel a little less.
A real big brother wouldn't hurt me.
You aren't real family, and you never will be.
Stay where I tell you to stay, you don't belong beside me.
I need my space from you. I need to be near you. I need your consolation. I miss you. I love you, but your never around. And you... your not in my world but I wish you were.
That's okay, Mother forgets too.
She's forgotten;
the bags I've asked her to sew because they're ripping.
I've asked for help on my cosplay.
The measurements I need.
The W2 I need help with.
Everyone forgets. They forget about me...
Except for the obnoxious ones who hurt me.
But they don't want me. They want ( . )me( . ). They want the colorless...
The bodily ..
Disgusting fucking privates... that
that I sometimes want to rip off...
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