Post-Op for Wisdom Teeth/Broken Tooth removal

So the bruising has gotten worse from yesterday. I still cannot chew, or else I might bite the side of my cheek.  Also, the headaches come and go right now. I'm hungry and starting to get sick of liquid/soupy shit but I'm just gonna have to fuckin' deal. 

I can't have seeds/rice/tiny nuts because apparently they'll get stuck in the holes and get healed over which can create problems.

I went to the allergist last week and they made me do a breathing test. Apparently, I have some sort of blockage so they gave me an inhaler... JUST WHAT I DON'T NEED. MORE MEDS. It helps, though. Sometimes I do have trouble breathing. Especially with all this swelling.

I return to work Monday but I'm hanging out with my girlfriend, Kitty this weekend which I'm going to TRY LIKE HELL to make fun. Hopefully, I can stop being socially awkward for awhile. 

My hair is a MESS. I can't shower at the moment because I'm doing a chem allergy test right now; it comes off tomorrow. I also go and have my mouth looked out tomorrow, before the allergist so they can check the healing. I haven't had A LOT of pain, but I can tell when the Ibuprofen is wearing off sometimes. Also, my right eye has had trouble seeing today because of the swelling pressure of my jaw/cheek. 

I was able to finally make another NOG SMITE Morning vid for my YouTube channel. I'd like to do the next part of FFXV but it's like, I'm still so busy with trying to get my insurance straightened out and dealing with my mouth, hunger issues, trying to get on T, etc. 

I'd like to start being able to calm down after being hyped up for so many months but like.. I'm still waiting for my application for insurance to do things. I mean... I have my next HRT meeting on April 6th. I understand my insurance may not be able to cover T but I still need insurance for my medications. I CANNOT be without them or else.. like, it'll be like when I tried to stop taking paroxetine on my own, I'll curl up into a scared, fucked up, mentally scarred little ball.

But seriously, a lot has happened; and there's still a lot more coming in the future.

I pray my healing continues to go well.

Thanks for taking the time to read this! <3

Oral Surgery

Tomorrow's the big day!

I'm getting my wisdom teeth and this damned broken tooth out.

I went to bed at like midnight last night.

The alarm went off for Sugar's(our dog) 1:30 am pill. I got up and gave that to her then went back to sleep.

I woke up today at like 7:12 am because of overheating and the pain reeling back up in thiS STUPID BROKEN TOOTH.

Currently waiting for the Naproxen and Ibuprofen to kick back in. I'm out of Tylenol. I might take a nap sometime today if the pain chills out.

I'm still kind of tired but I feel like I've been punched in the right side of my jaw.

Issues

Honestly?

I'm writing this after coming down from con-high mostly. I attended A&G, thinking it would be an escape but it only reminded me that I can't be completely happy, and I can't be my "self" right now. I won't be me until after surgery, until after money's been placed down for a name change, until after I've changed. 

Please tell me this is just stupid estrogen kicking my ass. I'm tired of being sensitive! THIS ISN'T ME. I'm not this way, and to top it all off I almost said something I KNOW I would've regretted. And why the hell did I tell Stef of all people about me wanting to bang a Rick Sanchez cosplayer? Geesh, am I stupid. I am sooooo happy that guys are terrible at reading people's flirts, honestly. It's almost 3 am, I have work tomorrow... I should take my night meds and go to sleep... cause the tears are just... NO. Its not me! Its the estrogen! ITS FALSE. ITS UNTRUE. I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH ANYONE ANYMORE. I HATE MY BOSS. AND I DON'T LIKE MY EX. IT'S ALL A HORMONAL LIE. 

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Think of something else.

Think of someone who actually cares.

Think of her. Think of relaxing before your actual birthday. Think of cuddling up to her. She cares. ...now, she cares... she didn't use to... I mean who wants to care for a fat... bigger chested ftm..... 

STOP. THESE. THOUGHTS. THEY'RE WRONG. SOME PEOPLE CAN SEE THROUGH THE SKIN.

This is why I type. This is why I blog. Get the thoughts out. Get better. Safe Haven. Safe Space. No regrets. 

Maybe I should do a fanfic of a new OC and RS. Hmn. I need to finish the other two endings of my current fic, though.

Also, I would like to buy Z: BOTW with my next paycheck.

I will be highly upset with my mother if I don't get my taxes done on time because I'll be shorted 500$. I need that money for my piercings I want. ... always use the money to fill the hole inside me... so self-destructive.... reminds me of that resident evil song

Good song.

Used to use that song for my own enjoyment.

Bad thoughts.

Dirty thoughts.

Stress relief.

Have trouble getting off alone anymore.

So difficult.

Need release...

Not now. Should go to sleep now.

Still, have two Markiplier videos and not even watching Game Grumps right now cause of their newest playthrough.

Need to start calling Starbucks.

Need to find a new job.

Get away from these people.

Difficult. Have to find a job that allows trans.

More transgendered people getting killed.

Trump revoked bathroom bill....

Trump ruining everything.

Moron.

Think of something else!

Oral Surgery is on the 20th. Allergy doc on 24th. Hope my mouth is healed well enough by then.

One tooth is close to sinus area. The sideways tooth could potentially damage nerves. One tooth is impacted. One tooth is normal... one broken tooth... expensive operation. Hope there's enough money in moms flexible spending account or I'm screwed. Please god, let there be enough.

April 6th is when I go back to HRT in Columbus at SUPER EARLY 11 AM IN THE MORNING.

All of my hate for being up that early. Have to do that for the operation too.

I wish bronchitis would've been gone. Insurance may not cover sleepy stuff because of it.

.... have to go to JFS and ask about insurance. I don't work enough not to qualify right? Need to ask for a name change paper as well, figure out how costly that'll be.

Mom thinks 50/60 dollars for 6 months of T is cheap. I'm guessing that's the lowest dose. What if I need higher?

....sigh