Sat, Oct 13

Time for an update I suppose. Its been forever since I've posted on here but I might as well, right? I've started Zoloft and am no longer on Paroxetine. The Zoloft feels like its holding my broken mind pretty well. I still get a shaky glimpse into my own fears every now and then though. 

T-shot #2

I had my second shot today.

Apparently, my blood wanted to try to escape.

It dripped down my arm and onto my leg.

Mom made me elevate my arm.

Next time we need to make sure we have a cotton ball ready, that's for hella sure.

Got super queasy and anxious, almost passed out. Quickly self-medicated by turning the fan on, removing clothes, and drinking water; obviously after the band-aid had been put on. 

Yooka-Laylee is alright so far. It was definitely not what I was expecting. I was hoping for more old-school style than what I got. The character controls sort of wonky like he's always got someplace to be. I don't care for the current "boss", B is more like some dumb shit then a good old fashioned archnemesis, and Quackers is boring af. As far as this being a collectible game, it just doesn't feel like it. You don't keep the golden feathers or the Mollycools. They have to be used. So technically you're not collecting them, you're just getting them to give away.

I started T almost a week ago

I don't honestly know how I'm supposed to feel?

My brains acting kind of weird, to be honest.

The next day after the shot I woke up at 7 am with my heart beating out of my chest and anxiety running through me like electric. I vomited, and then I was back and forth from the bed and the bathtub for hours. Tossing, and turning and trying to sleep, and trying to settle myself down.

Awful. Just awful.

I hope my body doesn't react the same way.

I mean it may have been the mix between just starting menses, taking an antibiotic AGAIN and the new shot of T. Man that migraine/headache was terrible. It made me exhausted.

I need T

I don't just want it.

I need it.

Bodies need hormones, right?

Well, Estrogen is NOT my fucking friend.

I'm sick of it!

I'M SICK OF THESE THINGS ON MY CHEST!

I just want to be a regular guy.

And I'm sick of being fat.

I wanted to get a pass at Planet Fitness but Mom needs help with bills.

I barely make enough to cover my own ass and now she wants money.

And apparently I also don't do enough around the house!

I USED TO BE SO FAR UP SOMEONE ELSES ASS TO EVER DO ANYTHING.

I'm fucking trying. My own mouth is dying. I probably won't have any teeth left by the time i'm thirty fucking years old. 

Who wants someone whose fat and toothless?

Jfs wants a WHOLE LOTTA DOCUMENTS!

I can't do their shit online.

It doesn't help I haven't gotten my tax return money because my fucking last years stupid tax whatever wasn't kept and I need it and--

I just want a couple piercings and to get my name changed.

It's a start.

God, I hope I don't gain fat-weight on T.

I will scream if anymore of it goes to these stupid, unholy breasts.