And here i find myself

Another day gone by, no progress achieved. I feel sick, not physically- emotionally and mentally.

I'm 25- and I'm a mess. I'm 25, and I'm in love. I'm in love with someone I will never know because of restrictions that apply to me. People want sex with this man, and I find it disgusting because we're better than that.

When he gets a gf, I'll be lost again. I'll loose interest because I respect those rules. And I both look forward to, and don't want to see that day.

As a teenager, I had crushes on fictional characters. Now today, I long for someone with a soul, a passion for gaming, someone who can be lover and friend, someone about my height or a little taller, black hair or blonde hair, deep chocolate eyes, or bright blue eyes. Someone whose a lot smarter than they think.

I could name them aloud, but I won't for its a fangirls sin to fall in love them. Its heart crushing. Mind twisting to know. That no matter what you'd give; you could never know them. For the moment you became their "fan," was the moment you opened your mouth and spoke the unspoken words, "I am you're fan. You show me what you want. You believe that we will now characterize you by thinking you're perfect." No. No One's perfect. Not you, not I.

But it wouldn't matter, you're out of my league. And that's not because I believe you're perfect, but because I believe you deserve all the happiness in the world.

It has been 0 days since you last made me laugh and smile.

It has been 0 days since you've been on my mind, and your names escaped my lips.