Update

I've decided to try and fight depression using a drug.

Also, this.

Dead At 77

From Cancer

View my profile: MenasayRingo

Find out when and why you'll die, take The Death Test!

That was from an OKcupid test I took out of boredom.

Anyways.

I've been talking to people at work.

I'm also trying very much to figure out myself.

Gotta do whats best for me.

Find out some way out of this hell i'm living in.

Mom thinks its a good idea to start college in Cincinnati at AI. It doesn't sound like a terrible idea. I'm just scared of all the stupid adult things like getting my own medication, fighting depression alone and in a new place. I know my anxiety will act up there and I may get very disheartened. I also only know a couple people in that region. I would be closer to my yearly con. That would be cool. I would have to figure out a way to budget for myself and have a part time job for 2 - 3 days a week. It'd have to be something that doesn't need speed, hell I wouldn't mind factory work as-long as what I was dealing with wasn't exceptionally heavy. Even office work where it became routine would be good.

I bet i'd miss my Luna baby. I'm sure that'd worsen my depression... :(

I'M AT CON! HUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?!?!?

Jittery.

Drank almost all of one can of AMP.

Wonder if I'll sleep tonight, lawlololol.

NOTHING TO DO ATM.

GAME ROOM IS TOO SMALL.

DON'T WANNA WALK SOMEWHERE TO GET FOODDDDZZZ/

HAHA!

Nightmares

SON OF A bi-

Haha...

So uh, I woke up from "slender" static. I literally jumped forward awake. My heart was just racing so quickly, I mean dude! WTF. It was one of those things where I wanted to fight sleep because I was scared of it.

What else? Oh. The repetitive nightmare of losing my memory, like blacking out where I act totally different and don't remember. And on top of that nightmare, it even had bugs of like three different kinds in it. They were awful! In your ears, on your skin. 

Nervous shiver, bring right shoulder up and make disgusted face.

Gyah.

Tongue out of mouth to make vomit like noise.

But uh... It's work week! Three days, two til' 10, tonight only til 9.

I'm gonna try the maneuver still, but i'm starting to feel ALOT more down on myself after thinking about it. I mean hell- why would he like me anyways?

Breathe. Just breathe. (Talking about the 29th)

Also... I had a weird dream last night! (April 1st, night of 31st)

and this fish taste like nothing.

My 25th birthday and the day after /nsfw/

So. I'm back. It's been like half a month, and well... my birthday dinner on the 26th was good, being mostly lazy on the 27th was pretty chill and work on monday of the 28th wasn't super terrible. But it wasn't my birthday (28th) that really hammered home, but the day after that really spoke to me. Since someone had said they'd be fine with taking me home on Tuesday's would be fine since I was going to help close the store and all I've gotta say I was NOT expecting how the ride home turned out and I feel like I may have made some of it up in my own mind even. I mean... listening to Ice Ice baby is fine, but when a song like... 

Akon - I wanna fuck you

Comes on... I kinda wondered if the other person in the vehicle was going to turn it. HOWEVER, instead of turning said song; I got the low-down on their personal life- *cough/sex life/cough* and uh, how they haven't been getting any. I could've sworn I had the biggest lady boner/blush on my face.

As; I dunno if this was said previously, but, I have this HUGE crush on this person at my work and HO-LIE shit. I was kinda looking out the window and trying to avoid glances cause I know I would've just cracked had I really been paying super attention. ESPECIALLY when they sing a song lyric/line from the song itself. I just....

WAS THIS A DREAM!?!

AM I STUPID!?!

Is it real life or just a fantasy?

ALSO. 

What do you call a boyfriend who doesn't answer your message and you know he's up and online(you even message him on the game console)?

1. Not into you.

2. A joke?

3. Depressed.

Shrugs.

Is it also bad that i'm in lala land over something stupid that I shouldn't do while my actual bf may have cancer and be dying? I've just seen so much death, and heard the c-word so much lately that my mind is beginning to create walls so I don't get hurt. The nightmares about my fucking molesty grandfather don't help either. I wish I would've been smart enough while I was young to tell, then he would've been arrested for that bullshit. Nothing I can do now except have a meet and greet with him and give him the finger and tell him how much I hate him. That's in the line up.

But it's behind my convention, and the fact we're being evicted because of a no-follow up renewel on the lease. Whatever. The old man landlord is batshit crazy letting whoever the old woman is to fuckin' tell us to get out. I'm just walking around on fire, brushing the dust off my shoulders and trying to find a stress relief.

I'm currently glad that hell week is going on right now, so I can be off it for con. 

I can't wait to have my bfs big jewish cock inside me. Fuck I miss him, I just wish he'd talk to me more. 

I also wish he'd send me newds ;)

I'm horrible fer fuck sakes. 

My heart is so poly though it hurts.

It's hard being in an LDR when my bodies just always lusting and my hearts always searching for someone new to add into the circle. I can break the two apart and see which ones mean something now. And I know how to gauge people from a distance to know if they're even worth my time.

Son of a bitch.

Need to roleplay this~ ♥