Owl Writing

This normally works for me, but tonight I feel so broken.

I'm so upset with myself.

I knew how this year was going to be.

I need to be able to write again.

And I remember that fortune that told me, "You have to go to him, he won't come to you."

I need to be able to type the words I feel.

But I just want so much for that to be untrue.

I want them to mean something.

What if I risk it all just to meet him?

I'm sick of hurting inside.

Put all my money into one thing.

But my words lay on flat ears.

Go big, or go home.

I want to.

What else do I have to live for?

I just...

I need that imbalance, that middle that grey goddamn middle ground to go away!

I'm sick of it.

I either want to be nothing, or something.

I can't afford the help I need.

And I can't even destroy myself in my room anymore, alone...

I misplaced my favorite object now.

Its probably in one of the boxes in my room.

I may end up needing it again, unfortunately.

I don't know how long I can last being here by myself.

But I can't find anyone else who matches personality with me.

Don't get me wrong, I love ______.

But he lives too far away.

I need to be held, I need to be told that I look good, that i'm smart or.. something.

I need to be able to sleep in someones arms again.

For seven years I was there.

I can say I miss that.

Never waking up alone.

I'm sick of it!