1st Vlog - America, What have we become?

PewDieDreams & Linear Survivor Dreams

Here's what I remember:

So I remember from the dream that I am like half cat/half wolf as well or something because like I didn't feel fully human and I could jump from any height and take no damage to my body. Keep this in mind.

So I got to meet Felix, Pewds aka Mr. Macho Subscriber man. It was some sort of con or just a meet up at a hotel or something. I think I snuck out from my room cause I was on the VIP floor and went to see Felix. His door was open so I went in. We chilled and flirted back and forth and then things got weird as he helicoptered his dick in front of me. He put it away once but later he did it again. It was fucking LONG. I grabbed it from him and took it into my mouth. Mostly the tip. I licked the sides, the head and did weird stuff to it with my tongue. Felix started to get off. As he got closer he started to mess with me. Now, because of my dysphoria, I'm not 100% on the hole he used but he just stuck it into me and came. I remember thinking I was gonna get preggers so it was probably the stupid vijay. 

Suddenly I and he hear a commotion coming from outside the room. My view pans to someone else's, and she's PISSED. Felix knows IMMEDIATELY who it is- and she just happens to know what he's done like she's connected to him in a way. He goes out to try and calm her, I'm not sure what happens then but she storms into the room and I jolt out the window. I pan down, my fear of heights isn't kicking in and I land hands first then feet. I do this throughout the city, leaping to new heights, sometimes I'd leap down and grip something with the top of my toes before letting myself hit the ground.

#2.

This one's shorter, as it contains a bit of an oddity to me.

So this guy wanted to take over the top of someplace and destroy dragons but like something happened and the world started to freeze, one good dragon became me and a couple other people's friend. We went to this underground bunker, the front door wouldn't close, it was frozen over. But other than that we all huddled in different areas. I was with a couple different people but we all seemed to get bored and people would split up and I and a few guys headed for some huge area, where a bunch of odd military vehicles was. 

We fidgetted with things but there were rough sexual overtones going on here. At one point I was throwing something at people and got caught, some bigger more military Esque dude who looked slightly similar to Gladious from FFXV but much more handsome. He took away what I had before I fell backward into the back of a truck of some sort before I grabbed the neck of his shirt and pulled him down with me. His bulge made contact with my crotch and I pulled him forward further, starting to make out with him before-- BAM

I wake up. :(

It's Done

It's over.

I have to force myself to eat now because I'm not really hungry.

I saved one relationship.

& destroyed another.

I think I'm sick too.

Somethings very wrong with my body.

I think I have some sort of infection.

I need to go to the doctor, soon.

Tomorrow's Going to be a Cold Night

It's gotten to the point where it's almost obsession and its driving me crazy.

I'm ending it tomorrow.

No more closing for me.

No more warm smiles, or sweet flirtations.

I'm Risking my own Happiness

You're driving me absolutely crazy, you know that?

I can't even think of Wesker from Resident Evil the same way anymore.

Your name comes first.

It comes to memory.

Everything about you is so hard to ignore.

You're the reason I'm a clutz at work.

You're the reason I'm happy at work.

You keep the whole job night on a good moral standing.

The whole place would catch on fire without you.

I just wish I could tell you how much it means to me.

How much you mean to me.

You're the entire reason I can't just do what I want.

I'm afraid I'll loose you!

I'm afraid you won't act the same way towards me!

From the moment we met you caught my eye!

It's almost been four years, and I was hoping the crush would fade.

I feel like I've mistaken your kindness as something more, but you lead me on and keep me following you.

I can't control it.

You make me feel so safe.

As soon as you're around I feel I can relax just a little more,

drop my guard a little, smile a little more.

But then it comes back to haunt me!

You know so much about me.

But I barely know you.

And when I go home.

I'm alone again.

And it hurts!!!

But I made a promise.

To myself, to you, and to my job.

That I'd never tell you, and you'll never fully know.

Because that's the only way I can keep my job.

Because that's the only way I won't interfere in your marriage.

Because I don't deserve anyone anymore.

Because I always fall for the wrong people.

So, I'll suffer in silence until the day that I can't hold it in anymore.

And on that day, I'll either quit my job or have already put in my two weeks.

And after that, you won't see me anymore, because I wouldn't be able to hide face anymore.




Because I'd do anything for love, though...
Even if there's just a sliver of hope that's kept alive.

Every time you ask if I miss you.
Every time that you're messing around and say you love me.
Every time we flirt nonchalantly.

I'm going to start trying to distance myself,
because it's going to hurt soon,
and I want to lessen the blow.