I've been on the better side of the scale but I keep feeling like depression is creeping right up behind me, and I want to scream and run away from it.
I'm trying.
I'm trying so hard to fight my thoughts.
I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid of depression and I... I want it to leave.
But I'm hurting and.. my eyes are tearing up.
I can't keep eating pasta, and bread and all these carbohydrates!
But it's all we can afford.
I hate it!
And I was so happy when Matt became my name.
But it's not enough.
I can't stand being called Amanda at work, and she, and her.
My binders too big. I need a smaller one, but they cost so much.
I'm not a girl damn it!
I hate my ovaries!
I hate my breasts!
I hate my uterus!
They are ugly, horrendous things that need to go.
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